Jingle all the way....to the Rehab Centre

Well if the past few days are anything to go by, this Christmas looks like it might just be a good one, or maybe just a fun-filled, intoxicated, incoherent one! In actual fact, come to think of it, it's going to be my first 'official' gay Christmas :) and it'll be a great way to celbrate the year and everything I've gone through. Plus I've got a sudden surge of creative babbling energy, so I might as well continue since I'm on a roll....

Festivites started on Friday with Steve Austin's birthday in Whelan's after being out for dinner with Dee and her family for her graduation. Myself and boyf arrived about an hour before everyone else and were subjected the worst possible redition of Christmas songs by some old bogger on the guitar, accompanied, bizzarrly, by a cello and a fiddle (!?). This resulted in the boyf being in a bit of a pissy mood, understandibly. God it was excruciating. Things livened up anyway later on when Steve and the rest of the gang arrived and the singing muck-savage was replaced by a dj. In turned out to be a good laugh and was great seeing everyone out together again.

Then on Saturday, I arrived back to the apartment (which is great by the way) around 10.30 to find Rob, Lou, Ruth, Dee and Orla of all people, having drinks in mine, so I promptly was persuaded to join them with my 5eur and head out to Grand Central for an Easons Christmas party. The bouncer almost made the mistake of not letting me in with my magnificently white runners, but we got in the side entrance anyway. That was an eventful night - bit of dancing etc. I managed to survive on my limited funds and met up with the boyf afterwards after waiting for him for 40mins in the fabulous surroundings of nite-time o'connell st. Turns out he had managed to raid most of the drinks from his work party so I gladly accepted the offered presents, which are still in my fridge supplying me, in part, with my Christmas stock.

Monday night was pretty good too, with the joint LGB and other-societies xmas party in college. Arrived early to meet up with everyone and have one or two free bottles before hand, then headed downstairs to join the festivities. Us, being in our jovial and gay mood, were having a good natter and laugh down the back while the music soc performed a selection of christmas carols in the corner. However we did incur repeated shushes and got told off by the SU president, much to our amusement. Headed into Spy afterwards, almost getting refused entry due to the fact we couldn't prove we were gay. Like, hello, a group of reasonably attractive young men, covered in xmas glitter wasn't a big give away or anything. I woke up Tuesday morning with a pretty bad hangover, which I blame on the goldschlager shots from the night before, so naturally enough I took the day off college.

Tuesday night, again, was another social event. The Scottish guy I met in Geneva was over with his flatmate for her birthday and the Will Young concert, so met up with them in the Flounge before leaving the flatmate into a taxi and then heading off to Glitz. Was a good, if subdued night, due to everyone's tiredness. Plus I got to show my boyf off, which was a nice thing. It was a little tough, dividing my attention between the two, without ignoring my boyf, but I seemed to pull it off okay. I also got offered free Will Young tickets for the Wed night, but turned them down as I just didn't feel right taking them off them when I knew they'd be able to flog them at an extortionate price at the concert. I still feel a little guilty that I didn't really make enough of an effort to show him around Dublin and that, but sure I do have my own life to be getting on with at the same time.

So that was my week, so far. There's another Christmas party on tonight in college, with more free booze, although Im feeling rather jaded after everything. I might just stay around for a bit and then head home to relax, but then again, I might not. Although my hair is looking rahter frightful, so I don't think Ill be venturing out anywhere with it in this state. I think it's started to get a life of it's own - time for a chop methinks.

Content Slipping

The content of this blog seems to be slipping considerably of late. I think the main reason for this is the fact that I have lost some of the anonymity that I had when I started off. The majority of my friends new about it, but its when other people start to come along, who you don't necessarily wish to broadcast certain aspects of your life to - i.e. love life, doubts, sick and depraved thoughts. Especially if they come along and start mentioning things that they've read about here. I suppose its imposed some sort of self-censorship which has in turn brought down the entire tone of the blog, but then again I'm sure I can still find things to bitch about. I just can't be as personal, maybe, as I once was. I have to be a little more self-aware. Well, stay with me and we'll see how it goes.

In the meantime, you can always look at some other queer blogs. I haven't looked at them all yet, but if any are of particular interest I might just stick them in my links on the left.

At the moment I'm in a bit of a self-reflecting stage. I haven't seen or spoken to the boyf since Monday. No contact. Whatsoever. We decided not to, because I think we were both feeling like we were becoming a little too reliant on each other, well mainly him on me, and I was feeling a lit out of touch with myself. It seems stupid to say, but I miss him. Alot. Scary, I know. Maybe everyone needs to do that every now and then. Just take a tiny breather. Just so you can actually appreciate what you have.

Diamond-Cutters

Been up to my ears since I got back from Paris. I've been moving into my new place the past few days. Everything's going well, although the heating sucks so the place is absolutely freezing, especially in the morning. See, 'tis all electric heating and with my anxiousness of ending up with a whopping electricity bill I'm being probably a little too economical. The scrooge in me is leaping for joy. The worst thing is the fact that my bedroom is freezing since it's in an extension at the back of the apartment and I only have a teeny electric heater, which I can't exactly leave on all night for fear of waking up on fire. Literally. I can turn it on before I go to bed, meaning I'm nice and warm, and during the night it's fine cause I'm asleep - it's just in the morning it's so cold that my nipples could cut glass...no make that cut a fine diamond (Well for those of you that know me, that applies most of the time :P )

So anyway, Ill update about the trip to Paris when I get the chance. Maybe even a photo or two.

Ch-ch-changes

I was back to my neurotic self last night after going to dance class with the boyf. I dont know what really triggered it off - maybe it was the phone call he made from my phone to his ex. or thinking about our trip to Paris next week. Whatever it was, my head started doing tumbles over itself. I think it's due to the fact that I feel like I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore.

It was recently commented by one of my friends (in a somewhat intoxicated state) that it seems like I'm "getting on with my life", although it feels more like I've lost some element of control I had on it. In the past year I've graduated, come out, had a short (shitty) relationship before entering into my current serious one, fallen in love, become an 'academic', had surgery, and am currently preparing to move out. I think that's a hell of a lot of changes to happen to someone in such a relatively short space of time. It's almost like the life I have now has moved on so much from the one I had a little over a year ago. My whole routine has changed - and I think I've changed in the process. I still feel like I don't want to move on because I thought I was happy in my old life, but I suppose it's the natural progression of things. Maybe moving out might give me a bit of stucture that I need.

I started to think about what I am doing and what direction my life is taking last night, which kinda made my head completely fucked up. What if I've made the wrong decision in doing a PhD, what if I don't get enough work done and get 'fired', what if this relationship is not meant to last, what am I doing moving out, what direction am I heading in?????

So many questions that I just can't answer, and should know better than to ask myself to begin with.

I'm Moving!

Myself and Dee got the appartment we went to look at yesterday, so yay! Giving the holding deposit today so will be moving in this weekend :) It's a nice basement appt about 10/15 min walk from the city centre so it suits us perfect. It's got two double rooms, which means I get to have a whole double bed to myself even though my room is on the smaller side. Can't wait to have dinner parties and play charades :p

I'm expecting lots of house-warming gifts, well-wishes and txts from the people that know me.

The Gay & Lesbian Kingdom

Go on the gays!
   GCN post
   The G&L Kingdom of the Coral Sea Islands

Throw 'em in the Liffey!

Had a reasonable time DJing at my cousin's 21st on Sat night in her house. Reasonable in the fact that I managed to get a good few up dancing despite the constant requests for me to play shit music, which of course I ignored with an experienced "Yeah sure, after the next song". What was annoying was the fact that I was playing for 7hours and had to ward off her scummy friends as they tried to jump behind the decks to change the music, which of course ended in them breaking them somehow and telling me "Yeah, yer crap" because I didn't stock the scanger-style plastic-knacker techno crap that such people seem to enjoy. At that stage I didn't really give too shits cause it was late and I was slightly drunk since they had 2 kegs and taps at the party. I managed to avoid the whole "It's great the way you came out and everything cause you know I'm down with the whole gay thing" talk with one of my cousin's who I never talk to at the end of the night too, so all in all it was a reasonable success.

What is it with scumbags and scangers anyway? Do they just turn at a certain age, kind of like a "scumbag puberty" or are they just unfortunate enough to be born that way? Either way, they should be disposed of - preferably in a painful manor. Maybe by standing them next to an open fire the copius amounts of plastic clothing that they wear, ala gortex, will cause them to melt away or maybe throw them in the already scum-filled Liffey, alowing them to be dragged down under the weight of their glittering sovereigns and hoopy earings.

Hallow'een

So hope everyone had a pleasant Halloween. Myself, went to a 21st in the Mont Clare with the boyf on Fri night. Had a great night. The party itself was a bit crap, but we had our own little party thing going on down at our table, as we were all shouting, dancing, throwing nuts and splilling drinks. Was all good apart from a small little tiff between myself and the other half. It's the first time we've been in a proper argument/fight/delete as appropriate. And I felt so shitty. It only lasted about half hour - but at the same time it was horrible. We made up, although I think I ended up apologising for something I didn't do. It was almost like I had to do it to break the silence, but it worked and there was an apology. I should really not give in so easily to unfounded guilt. At least we made up pretty quickly afterwards (and no, I'm talking abou the quicky-in-the-toilets type of make-up) and enjoyed the rest of the night. We ended up going to Isoldes, but didn't all get in, so just bought some take out and went back to one of his friend's apartments till about 4 in the morning.

Plus, in other fabulous news, I bought the Goonies. God, I forgot how much I love that film..."Hey you guys!

Bunting Cus

I hate Dublin bus. I mean hate. I went to get the bus from college to John's house last night for the annual Halloween video horrothon (consisted of Versus (shit Japanese film), May (reasonlably good American horror) and Return of the Living Dead (hilarious remake of the original)).

Went for the bus at 6.40, was there in time, but the bus didn't show. I got caught in the fucking rain and got drenched. Then I had to wait until 7.45 for the next bus. Then that bus took 1hr 15 mins to make a 20min journey because of flooding and traffic. My feet were wet, my clothes were wet and I was in a real pissy mood. To make matters worse I'm on stupid antibifuckingotics so couldn't drink, and I really needed one. And to make things even worse I just found out today that I can actually drink with the antibifuckingotics I'm on at the moment. Shitty. Just plain shitty. At least I can have one or two at the 21st I'm going to tonight and the house party tomorrow, both involving lots of people I don't know.

Crawling

I'm sick and hungover - the worst combination in my opinion. I feel terrible, I look even worse....no that's a lie, I look effortlessly amazing, as usual ;p

I hung around after college yesterday for a supposed LGB soc meeting, only to find out that they're not having meetings anymore. How fucking ridiculous is that! It's almost like the society is over before it even had a chance to get off the ground, although the committee have said that they're planning to organise some events, but there's no way anyone is going to go to these events, if they haven't even met anyone else in the soc. It's pretty bad too because any newbies who have joined, obviously are going to loose interest pretty quickly if the society isn't active.

Since there was nothing on, headed into the G along with one of the other members who thought there was a meeting on too. Met up with another and then went to the Hub - which was pretty empty but still the music was fantastic. Bit of dancing, bit of drinking, crawled home at 4am, crawled into college for about 1.30 and now I think I'm just going to continue crawling...all the way home into bed!

Hungover Developments

I had a great night last night at the student LGB pub crawl. Made it to Gubu, Yello and then the G afterwards, and there was a huge crowd out so the place was buzzing. Met up with a few friends from the soc. last year and talked to one or two of the people in the new soc, although I'm sure they think we were some sort of bitchy-queen group cause we were segregated from them for most of the evening, but it was me that made the effort of finding them, and then introducing myself around to everyone, although my drunken confidence may have given people the wrong impression of me, but who the fuck cares. They seem like a nice enough bunch, so will see how it goes.

Anyway, dragged myself into college and promptly set about making a few changes to the blog, one of which you may have noticed already - the fancy new title-thing, which I may yet change again. I also added a script which will randomly select one of a number of quotes, each time you view the page, so click on refresh and see what happens....tis magic!

In addition, I am very disapppointed with the lack of photography suggestions, so come on people, I'm counting on you.

Photo Requests

This is a suggestion from the people at blogger, which I thought I'd run with...

Ask your readers to think of three photos they'd like to see posted to your blog. (Things around your house or whatever.) When you have enough requests, post them!

So that's exactly what I'm doing, so fire away, if anyone has any requests that is. It will give me a good excuse to use my digital camera anyway, the closest nerd that I am.

Still here

Apologies for not posting an entry in so long, but it's just that I've really had nothing much to say, let alone felt like posting anything... but today I just got some strange surge of energy, so decided to post.

I've been very lethargic of late, not really doing much work in college, not keeping this thing up to date and I didn't even write that article for QueerID that I had promised, basically because I was too chicken-shit and apathetic to write anything for them (it's something that I still think I should have made myself do). So much for my Carrie Bradshaw-esque fantasy! Pretty much everything in my life as slowed down somewhat since I've been going out with A, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, I suppose. It's just that I do miss the whole going out a couple nights a week, or the hanging out with my straight friends in straight clubs, or the whole excitement that used to be there whenever I went out to the G or wherever. I think the whole buzz that I used to have has dispelled somewhat - maybe it's just that I'm a little older (which I don't like to think about) which has led me to reminisce a little, or maybe it's just that I'm feeling a little more settled. The excitement I used to have going out is gone, probably down to the fact that I now have the security of having someone and don't have to think about checking out people, or imagine who I might end up with etc. It's not like I ever really pulled that often, but the whole possibility of it was still there, away in the background. On the other hand, it is really nice to have someone. I just don't want to leave my life, as it was before, behind me completely because I have to remember that if things ever end (which I sincerely hope they never do) I need to be able to survive on my own. And on I ramble still...

I have been getting back a bit to the way things were though, with the total drunk-fest that was the weekend just gone. Went out with Dee & Lou and propmtly got extremely drunk after downing two bottles of quite agreeable wine. We went out to Dakota first, which was packed with people and then onto d two, which I kinda like. The music was very good and there was a good party atmosphere about the place, well at least I thought there was. To be honest, I could have thought that a funeral had a party atmosphere with my level of intoxication. There was lots of dancing and stuff - but the night as a whole is a little blurry. I do remember at one point Dee finding a purse full of money, which we tried to give to the DJ, but who refused to take it off us, probably cause we were wasted and kept asking him to play Girls Aloud, which I don't imagine he was too impressed with :p I wonder what happened to the purse....Dee I'm looking in your direction with a suspicious raised-eyebrow glare.

Clubs and Socs day in college is on this week. I'm thinking about getting involved in the LGB soc and have already volunteered my services as webmaster. Even though I don't necessarily need the soc no more, I still understand that there are other people around who do need it and plus enlarging my already huge social circle, being the popular and stunning person that I am, isn't such a bad thing :p

Gaydar-a-go-go

I new it! I should have trusted it all along! Turns out that the Scottish guy is in fact gay. I went to the conference banquet on Thursday night, and was downing the wine as if there was no tomorrow - seeing as I deserved to celebrate after my presentation went well. I got to chat drunkenly to a few big names, which was cool, and myself and the Scottish lad, had at least 2 bottles of wine drank before the security turned agro and kicked the group of us that were left out of the building, but the two of us managed to grab a bottle of wine on our way out. We drank it on our way to the Irish pub where we met the other two people who are over here from Dublin. Stayed there till they kicked us out, and on the way home, we were discussing the last cd's we'd listened to. With my deliberate selection of George Michael and the Scissor Sisters, and his of Elton John, there was a happy realisation. So when the other two headed off, we laughed about how stupid we both were not to just come out and said it in the beginning, but agreed that the whole skipping around the issue had to be done at the same time, as neither of us was sure of the other person's situation. It's nice because we seem to get on so well, but there's no confusion about the fact that we're not interested in each other. So tonight we're going to check out the gay club here, which we mentioned to the other two Dublin people today, officially outing myself at work as they had no clue, but there was a distinct lack of a reaction when it was said, so Im not quite sure how to take that. I'm really looking forward to tonight now!

En Genève

Oui, c'est vrai, je suis en Genève! Sorry for the lack of postage y'all but I'm at a conference in Geneva until Sunday. So far it's been going ok. Some interesting enough talks, but still its quite tiring - presentations from 9 till 6 every day. And Im still shitting bricks about my talk on Thurs, but I'll let you all know how it goes. Havent't really been getting into the whole "networking" thing. Although, have met a nice Scottish guy and my gadar went off as soon as I saw him, but I'm not so sure now. Would be very handy if he was though, 'cause I wouldn't mind checking out some of the bars here to see what they're like. I dont think the guy I'm here with would really be interested, seeing as I don't think he's particularly homo-friendly, and besides I don't think he or my supervisor who Im also here with have a clue. It's not that I'm bothered, it's just since there the only two people I'm over here with it would make more sense to keep quite, unless it comes up of course. Was out last night with two other academic-type friends of the supervisor for a meal, one of whom was talking about a paper she did on Xena and explaining how she had a six-ffot cut-out of her in her bedroom, and later on my suspicions were confirmed when my supervisor said to me, "oh you know, she's a lesbian". Figures.

Selfishness

Not having been out for ages I made up for it on Friday night. Went to Scatman's house for another of his ill-fated house parties, which actually didn't turn out too bad at all, especially for a straight night out. Incidentally, the whole straight night thing doesn't seem to bother me as much as it did, mainly cause I'm no longer a desperate will-kiss-anything-at-the-end-of-the-night type since being officially in a happy relationship, therefore I don't have the need to go to a gay club as I once did. That's not to say I'm not dying to go and dance my queer ass off in the G some night very soon.

Anyway, back to the story. I arrived at the house at around 9.30, bottle of wine in one hand, bottle of vodka in the other. Luckily enough I brought some cd's with me that enabled me to rescue the party from complete doom. Drank my bottle of wine and moved onto the vodka (just like the good old days). Being in a jovial mood a group of us decided to head into town for a bit of a dance, mainly because some of the undesirables at the party had stuck on slayer or some other wretched trash on the stereo. The only problem was it was already 11.30, but away we went anyway - myself, Dee+hubby, Lou, C+V, to where else but the Palace - ah, the sweet refuge of the drunken heterosexual!

The usual dancing ensued until the place closed. Then back we went to the house, making it back at around 3am, only to find the party had officially ended and all that were left were Scatman himself and Steve Austin. I had previously promised to S.Austin that I would be back sooner to rejoin the festivities, so understandably he was none too pleased with our late arrival. I still actually feel bad about it - especially cause I know that's the only reason he stayed at the party. I can be such an ass sometimes. What makes me feel even worse is that on Saturday night I ended up staying in with the boyf, when I had promised S.Austin in my drunken state that I would head out with him and some others to Whelan’s for a drink. But to be honest, I was just too tired to do anything more than vegetate and watch a Looney Tunes film. I didn't even have sex that night for God's sake - that's how tired I was!

But it makes me ask the question, whether in certain circumstances is it okay to be selfish? Or at least selfish to a certain degree. I have often had the habit of worrying about pleasing others too much, before pleasing myself, but at the same time I can't help but feel bad about the whole thing. Remember, it is me we're talking about here. God, I'm very philosophical today, and not a hint of bitchiness.

Come out of that Internet Closet!

So, I've been getting lots of hits... mostly coming from the QueerID website, yet nobody is leaving any comments! Come on people, jump out of that Internet closet and scream hello! Its the comments that keep me going from day to day... through all the trouble and strife.... help me overcome any obstacles that may come in my way... blah..blah..blah... Well you get the general idea. Comment!

I've even given you three whole posts in one day! If that's not enough, I just don't know what is anymore.... (cue self-pity)

Barcelona Photos

Some of the more "arty" photos that I took in Barcelona, for your enjoyment!

Cable Car and view of Barcelona



Monument in Parc Mont Juic



Street in Bari Gotic



Sunset in Parc Guell

Bizarre

Some people just have way too much time on their hands...but this is very funny all the same. Plus it gives you a chance to waste your time while you wait for me to write a proper post. For now this concise version will have to do...

...I,Robot Thurs night .... reasonably entertaining .... boyfs Fri night .... up till 3 playin PS2 ...... out Sat night in Grand Central ..... drank bottle of wine in 15 mins before hand ..... fantastic cocktails.... drunkeness.... dancing..... compliments on dancing skills from foreign girl who won't let us leave the dancefloor..... glass smashed..... Lousie chatting to 40 year old English guy in Abrakabortion.... run away when taxi comes.... fun had by all..... the end.

Scorcho

So Im here at this conference in Barcelona and I have never been so hot in my entire life. For the past three days its been 29 degrees in the shade, and with the unbelievably high humidity I think I've already sweated out a couple of people's weight! I think my body is starting to climatise - all I can say is thank God for air-conditioning. Have to say, 'tis a beautiful city, with lots, and I mean lots of beautiful Spanish boys walking around in very suggestive clothing - well my mind fills with many suggestions ;) Don't know if I'm going to be able to stick in though for the 10 days. I can feel myself already getting slightly bored, but that's maybe because all we've done is gotten up at 7 every morning (and I am not a morning person) to attend this bloody conference, that is on for another 3 days. At least tonight there's a banquet on, so might make a night of it and head out afterwards. Still want to check out the gay bars, but amn't sure if I'll get the oppertunity, esp since I'll have to go to them on my own. But I may find a way. I hope to meet up with a gay guy I made friends with while I was away on Erasmus in France next week, so hopefully I'll get to sample the scene then. Vamos!

Barcelona

Im off to Barcelona tomorrow morning, for 10 days. I'm going to a conference over there so its all paid for....ah the life of a postgrad is a good one! Staying in a hotel for the forst 6 nights, then a hostel for the last 4. I'm actually not as excited about it as I probably should be, but I'm going to make the most of it. Hopefully I'll be able to check out the scene over there - 'tis supposed to be a crazy one!
 
Anyway, as a result, my posts may be a bit irregular or non-existent for the next few days, just in case you get all panicky thinking "Oh my God, what's happened? Where is he gone? I simply cannot go on living without the witty observations of the one they call Grover!!", cause I will be back.

Pride t-Shirt

Just for an excuse to see if I can post a picture correctly...here's the tshirt design I wore at Pride '04.

Fabulous, isn't it?!
(Thanks to Mac and Sad Peter Pan for their input)

I'm Famous...Almost

So I was in the boyf appartment, flicking through the latest copy of Scene City magazine the other day, when, to my shock and amazment, I came across a page containing a description and address of this very blog! I mean way-to-go me! What started out as a passtime to fill the hours of boredom has actually turned into something of a publicity whore! I mean, I'm practically famous, well my blog is. Only problem is now I'm going to have to start writing some decent stuff rather than the usual crap (as contained in this very post). I'm going to be ever so more articulate, descriptive, eloquent even; displaying my flair for the english language and all its intricacies, including my extensive vocabulary......the fuck I am!

I suppose I must say a warm and moist "Hello!", complete with crooked wrist, to all you readers who have found me through the afformentioned article in Scene City magazine! I hope I haven't scared you too much anyway. Underneath all this neurosis I'm actually a nice guy :)

Happy Pride!

...just forgot to say it. Get out there everyone and be fabulous!

Eileen, you dirty little bitch!

To my delight I won two tickets to Glitz on Tues night, for a "shorts n shades" pary, although there was little present of either. The place looked the exact same as it always does, even though they claimed it was going to be decked out especially. Well, unless you called a couple of paper suns and a rainbow flag banner decked out. I brought the boyf along. We bumped into a few of his friends, which was nice, including his last ex. And I mean, the ex. The one he is still friends with. The one I was nervous about meeting, but he seemed nice enough. I'm doing my best to not care about the fact he's still friends with him, and in fact I don't really care, although saying that makes it sound like I do care. But I really don't. Which is weird for me, because I'm usually way over-analytical and neurotic about these sort of things, as most people know. I am settling into the whole idea of being in a relationship with someone...i.e. realising that it's not all about the sex, and I'm doing my best to just go with the flow. It seems to be working so far.

Went to see Beautiful Thing in Andrews Lane on Wed night. It was on in the teeniest tiniest theatre I have ever been in. Talk about intimate - the cast were practically sitting on the audience's faces. It was very good and got me thinking about how The Closet Years ^tm were for me growing up, and how much better life's been since.

I had a decent straight night out last night, for Sad Peter Pan's birthday, in Doyles of all places. I am much more self-conscious now dancing in a straight pub, prob due to my developing gayness, and also due to the fact that straight people can't really dance. The whole jittering about is fine....fine if your at a wedding dancing to fucking Come On Eileen, a song which apparantly has a sexual meaning behind it. I don't think I need to explain that one.

You know what cheers me up? Dancin' !

Another delayed post about what went on last weekend...some things never change. I went to Scatman's house on Fri for his house-warming party. I brought the boyf along. I was a little nervous about how the whole thing would go down seeing as the majority of my friends were at the party - but things went splendidly. It makes it so much easier that he's the type of person that is easy to get along with. The party kinda sucked though. I ended up with some bad bruises on my shins due to some seafront activity on the way home. My god Im a slut. :)

Sat night was the spectacular that was my sister's 21st, at which I was the DJ. I had no major fuck-ups apart from when I stopped the music so that the could bring out the cake, only to be told the cake wasn't ready, so I had to spin another tune, but by the time that was finished the cake still wasn't ready. Ensue a few minutes of uneasy silence. Then when the microphone was switched on for the speech, there was some ear-bleeding feedback followed by the whole volume levels being fucked, but which I managed to overcome with my acute amature DJing skills. There was a great turn-out. My only disappointment was with the fact that apart from my granny and one or two druken aunts nobody got up to dance to my amazing set-list. I would have killed to get away from behind the decks for a second to shake my thang! Although everyone said the music was good, "why the fuck did you not get up and dance then!!!"

I thought my aunts and cousins, who I only usually associate with when necessary at Christmas, were being either unusually friendly or just plain drunk when they kept coming up to me and hugging me and saying they loved me. Obviously my father had had a word in their ear, which they later confirmed when the said they had heard about "my news" and that they were "so happy" for me. My God! It's like I'm the most interesting person in the family all of a sudden, well until the next big tradgedy or family gossip. Well, I suppose everyone likes a bit of drama.

Grass Stains

What a lovely weekend. I went to the Village on Fri night, after meeting up with a friend from college. The music upstairs was fantastic, though I didn't get a chance to break out the dancing shoes. I did have a good laugh though. It's nice to catch up with people you haven't seen in ages. I must say her knew boyfriend is simply delicious!

Spent the day Saturday with the boyfriend and his friend, which was great. I get on really well with her, and even better with him. Just hanging around with him is cool, though I am being wary of not falling into the habit of spending time with him and not with my friends, and of not being one of those lovey-dovey couples that everyone hates. Although it is hard to keep my hands off him.

I must stop having relations outdoors... (repeat x 300)
Woke up this morning with grass in the most unusual places. That's what u get for fooling around in a neighbour's back garden!

B & B

I did go to Oh What A Night last Thursday. It's not that it was bad, it just wasn't that good. Too much panto-style action for my liking, but without the standard big ugly fat drag-queen step-mother-sister-witch-fairy-type person and definitely not a good choice for a date. More thought is due for next time.

Had an even gayer weekend with Queer & Alternative at Tease in the Music Centre which was quite good indeed. It was an indie gay night - tunes from White Stripes, Scissor Sisters (big fave of mine at the mo'), No Doubt, NERD, the Stokes...etc. I'd say all of my straight mates would've loved it too, which made me feel very comfortable as it was the type of night out that I became accustomed to during, what we shall call, the closet years.

I got a txt from the guy I've been seeing on Sunday, saying he 'needs to talk', which in my mind meant only one thing. I met up with him Monday evening and sure enough he thought we should stop seeing each other. I can't say I was surprised and agreed with him when he said he thought there was 'something missing' (I know this all sounds so cliché but t'was true). We went back to my place to talk - I had no intention of doing anything else. So talk is what we did, well mostly me. Then, he said he realised that he had learned more about me in those 20 mins than he had for the last 2 months or so. I realised it too - I hadn't talked much at all whenever we went out, which I still can't explain. I just wasn't being myself. Maybe it was because (here comes the Oprah part) I was afraid of not being what he wanted me to be, or at least worrying about it, rather than being myself. It was weird - a dual realisation for both of us, which resulted in us getting back together, this time more officially, and a whole lot more besides... ;) I wish my parents were away every weekend!

So now we're boyfriend & boyfriend. That still sounds weird to me.

Move over Carrie Bradshaw!

Fill up that inkwell and pull that quill out of your arse - It looks like I may be writing a piece pretty soon for the people of QueerID, who dropped me a mail recently requesting my particular literary skills, so watch this...well their....space.

In other news, if anybody has been telling themselves "Grover couldn't get any gayer" prepare to recant! I'm off to see "Oh What A Night" tonight. Should be fun. Well it better be, seeing as the tickets cost 50eur!! Otherwise I'll be requesting a refund on grounds of "insufficient level of fun attained". I'm thinking a few drinks before hand should get those boogie-shoes-a-movin' Disco-Stu style!

Sweat-box Cinema

Twas a fun-filled weekend indeed! Something that I badly needed after an over-worked week in college.

Friday night went swiftly enough, aided by a rancid bottle of red wine drank hastily in a friend's apartment before hand. Then onto Hogan's, which was kind of shite. So myself Dee & Ruth made a quick departure to the G. The music was surprisingly crap. Unless you're e'd off your tits, how can you enjoy that whole techno 'unst-unst' vibe? Me, being a little tipsy, made some failed drunken advances on some random guys on the dancefloor - advances consisting of me dancing up beside them and hoping that my body-popping moves caught their attention. We didn't stay for long and headed home early in a taxi.

I was in the Village on Sat night for a joint birthday-type-celebration. I'm not a huge fan of the place, mainly due to the fact they have never heard of air-conditioning and any time I've been there the dj has played the same hour-long set, repeatedly until closing. And that fuckin' projector! What fun it is to be blinded most of the night! Who the hell wants to watch Cool Hand Luke with the sound off anyway!? I have to say though, that I did have a good time. Mainly just because everybody was out and I got to talk to people I hadn't seen in ages. Im telling you, everywhere is getting gayer by the week, which is fantastic! I mean the place was screaming with them (well metrosexuals at least)! Maybe its just my gaydar is finally clearing out all that static that has been hampering its use for so long.

A Posh Night Out

I went out last night with the postgrads from college. It was a joint-birthday-type-celebration-drinks thing. We went to Kehoe's first. I have never been in a pub before where I have been afraid that at any given moment the floor could give away and we could all plummet to our miserable end. But I was last night. Speak about being traditional, this pub is basically prehistoric. I mean it had a carpet in it for fuck's sake! Although, it did give it a kind of charm. No, I take it back. In reality, its a dump. Thank god it wasn't too packed, because there would have been a severe danger of suffocation - the tiny little windows barely provided enough air as it was! I was relieved enough that we were leaving, but when I heard we were heading to Renards I was even more delighted. One of the guys who was out is an accountant or something so he got us in for free. It wasn't nearly as posh as I expected or hoped. More of a packed sweat-box. The music was great, tiny dancefloor and plenty of ignorant bitches who think that just cause they have some money they can dance on the couches in their stilettos. There were lots of nice looking men in suits though ;) It would be much better with less people.

I'm beginning to dislike straight pubs and clubs more and more. Or maybe its just drunk straight people in straight pubs and clubs.

23

I turned the ripe old age of 23 over the weekend, on Saturday to be exact. For the celebrations we went to the Flounge where high jinx was had by all. I was really pleased with the turn out - I think there were roughly 20 of us there altogether. God, it's fabulous being so popular! The most bizarre turn of events for the evening goes to the moment when my parents, yes you heard it right, my parents show up in the flounge for a drink. That's not to say I'm not appreciative of the effort they're going to to try and be comfortable with the whole situation, but if your parents decided to show up at whatever pub/club you were out in with your friends, trying to get duly hammered, would it not be a tad 'uncomfortable'? It was sweet of them though.

23. It's a bit of a crappy age. It doesn't have the excitement of 21, or even 22, or the foreboding of 24. I feel so old. I'm not ready to be old.

Lunch Lady Bitch-Face

I went and got two sandwiches for my lunch today in the Spar in college. So, I go up to the counter and tell the lovely lady that I would like two white-bread sandwiches please.

"Butter?".
"No thanks - just some mayonnaise"
"So what would you like on them?"
"Well, I'll have the same on both...I.."
"Why?"
"Pardon?"
"Why do you want the same on both? You know you don't have to have the same"

Well, duh! Excuse me, bitch, what's it to you? I'll have my sandwiches whatever way I please!

What kind of question is that to ask anyone anyway?

Mixed Messages

If someone you've been seeing says something to you, along the lines of :

"I'm not really ready to get into a relationship at the moment, because there's just too much going on for me. Because of that, you can't expect me to text you everyday or to be able to meet you every week. But I really like you, sexually not platonically, and I would like to keep dating you. But I might decide one day that I don't want to see you anymore."

How do you take it? I don't think you could get many more mixed messages into a single statement.

Mum, Dad.....I'm gay

So I've said it. But now I wonder whether I should have said anything at all. The two of them were in the sitting room Sunday night, so I decided to bite the bullet and tell them. The reaction was what I expected, to a certain extent.

My mam started sobbing and got up, repeatedly hugging me. I assumed everything was fine. My dad, said that it was fine, that it was my business and he was glad that I told him. Then the shock ensued - my mam just cried for ages and kept swearing, and she never cries or swears. The "how the fuck do you like men" comment kind of took me by surprise. I told them that I was happy with it, that I was never really unhappy about it, and re-assured them that its not all sleazy in the G (well not all of the time) and that they didn't have to worry about being me "taken advantage of". My mam blamed herself, asking if there was anything that she had done, or did anything happen to me. I tried to explain that I didn't just wake up one day, gay, but that I always have been and always will be. I felt sorry that I had upset her so much.

After my dad went to bed, I stayed up for an hour or so with her, tryin to answer questions that she asked, and trying to make sure she was ok. Then I went to bed and she called into me. She kept crying and apologising if she seemed a bit 'back-ward'. It was awful. She didn't have a bad reaction as such, just an upsetting one, and it upset me even more to see her upset. My brother, to my surprise, took it fine. He was a bit upset that I hadn't been able to tell him before and apologised for it, but I told him it was my fault, that I didn't feel ready to tell him.

Its funny how everyone seemed 'upset for me' and uspet for what my life was going to be like, especially since I've had all the shit going on with my life health-wise etc. Right now Im just emotionally drained! But hopefully things are going to work out.....hopefully.

Miss Me?

If the answer is no, then fuck you.

What have I been up to since last...well not alot. Plenty of nights out, a weekend in Galway (don't ask), more teaching, lunch dates... I'm actually, shock horror, starting to kind of see someone, although I'm not sure yet if I can say that. I've met him a few times before, but never really talked. Last Wed, he asked me for my phone number as I was leaving the G, and so we met up on Sat for a coffee. I ended up spending most of the day with him. He's a lot different than I thought he would be, which is a good thing. He's actually quite nice really. At first, I wasn't too sure if I liked him, but after spending the day with him, I think I do. I'm just going to see how it goes, rather than my usual over-obsessing over-analytical approach.

I was thinking about the whole attraction thing the other day. It's fascinating really - what makes someone particularly attractive to you more than others? Of course, we're all attracted to the ideal - whether that be some beefy dude, with brooding eyes or a waif-like blonde with big tits - but is it more than that? What classifies as being attracted to someone? Is it just about imagining yourself in bed with them? Do they immediately make you horny when they walk into a room, do they make you look twice, or is it just a case that they don't turn you off, so to speak? Answers on a postcard....

Smoking Ban

I suppose, since the smoking ban is such a historic event, I should make some social commentary on it. But I'm just too tired. I thought it was funny though to see all the smokers huddled around pub entrances like a bunch of pariahs last night in town. It'll be even funnier to see the riots that are going to occur on the streets on Sat night. Think about it:

• people are pissed off that they cant smoke in pubs......


• instead of smoking they drink more.........


• they then go outside for a cigarette......


• this carries on........


• smokers are getting more pissed off as they get drunker......


• now we have groups of pissed off drunk people congregating on the streets outside pubs.

I'm sure you can see where this is heading.

Hospitals

After spending over 2 hours in a waiting room in the hospital this morning for my check-up appointment I was on the verge on killing someone. I mean, it is bad enough to have to wait so long for a 15 min long appointment, but to have to wait with all those old sick people - you know the type who are sitting around mumbling to each other, complaining about the weather, and smelling, well, old.
In order to alieviate the stress that such an ordeal induced this morning, Im going out tonight. Although I might keep my coin-purse tightly closed seeing as Ive spend almost 1,000eur since the start of the month on going out. For a scrouge like me, that's alot of money.

Best Paddy's Day Ever

So, where do I begin....well I began at about 4pm and carried on till 4 am, and I survived. Barely. Met up with P.Diddy & his gf and a few of their friends in Forum (?) - its beside the parilament hotel. It was the only place in the locality that wasn't bursting at the seams. We stayed there for a few, then I dragged everybody around the corner to the Front Lounge, which was busy but we managed to grab one of the couches down the back. The guy from Tease that I was sure was straight was there. Attempted to make eye contact, but failed. Mainly due to the large consumption of alcohol which made focussing a problem in itself and the engaged lesbian sitting beside me who was telling me about her desire to have a fling with a woman before she got married. We all popped into that kebab place across the way, had something to eat, met up with eoin and then headed to *shudder* Doyles. It was black and we only stayed there for one drink before I decided to piss off and meet K from college and head to the G. I should have felt bad for leaving my friends, but I was drunk and horny.

The G was a great laugh. Well, as far as I can remember. Some Spanish guy (not that great looking but tall, stocky, bit of a beer belly) grabbed me from behind and next thing you know I was on one of the couches with him, being told off at one stage by the bouncer with the ol' "there's a time and a place lads". The fact that he had his zipper undone might have had something to do with it ;p Its amazing how quickly my inhibitions can disappear. All his Spainish-accented whispering of "I wanna fock you" and his dry-humping didn't help matters. I walked back with him to his place, but didn't go up cause he said all his flatmates were at home, which now that I think of it, maybe wasn't such a bad thing. He did leave me with a HUGE hickey on my neck though. Looks like its polar necks for me all week!

Cliché

That's it. I'm not drinking for at least another week. I went to Traffic last night, which I would definitely recommend. They were doing 2 for 1 cocktails. I had four in the space of an hour and a half. Then went to Spirit - free in, but the place still isn't great. I did feel a bit self conscious there though, seeing as I was out with all the gays. We drank a number of foul shots that were on special offer - some sort of cheep baby guiness type thing. Ugh, I can still taste it now. We didnt stay there for long and ended up in, surprise, surprise, the G. I think I'm turning into a cliché.

Lies Make Baby Jesus Cry

I went to a focus group Tues evening in Clontarf Castle. It was for a market research group who were doing research about the new range of Donegal Catch. I was just filling in for someone who couldn't make it. So basically, I had to pretend I was 25, living in my own flat in town, had a proper job and ate a lot of fish. For one thing, I hate fish, and I didnt even eat the fish that we were supposed to be reviewing - oh and I had to pretend that I didn't know anybody else in the group - including two of my friends. I have to say, I gave one of the most convincing performances of my life - commenting on the subtle flavours and textures of the fish, where I had bought it etc. It was quite funny actually. On top of all that I got two free pints, sandwiches and 55eur - for basically lying through my teeth. I slightly scared myself with how good a liar I can be.

Afterwards I headed out to Gubu, which is really nice, and then onto Glitz in Breaker for the Border, which was also suprisingly good. I went in with Eoin and ended up meeting up with a few friends (oh my god, I have gay friends!) from the college soc. I'm going to have to score sometime soon before my loins explode, well at least make some kind of effort other than moaning about not scoring when all I did for the night was get drunk, dance a bit and not really talk to anyone other than the people I was out with. I'll just have to get more drunk next time so that I'm not really worried about if I make a fool of myself or not.

SugaBitches

I spent fucking eur300 last week, and that's just on going out. I haven't even included my credit card bill. I dunno - should I feel guilty? I went out on Thurs night (somewhat reluctantly) with a few ppl from the lgb soc in college. I wasn't going to go, but one of the guys txt me, and even rang me, saying that they all (all being 3 of them) went into town partly cause they thought I'd be going in too. Ah, bless. So I arrived in the G at 10.30 (after getting a taxi cause it I wasn't arsed waiting around in the freezing cold, my nipples on the verge of ripping through my shirt) expecting not to stay out that long. I ended up staying right till the end, after numerous drinks of god-knows-what, and getting a taxi home.

I went out on Fri night for Kev's birthday. We went to Doyles *shudder*, where the top floor was closed and the place was practically bursting at the seams, with sweaty hippies everywhere I looked. We stayed there for one or two and then headed to the Palace, which I did not want to do, but really had no choice in the matter. The place was black. I mean, you could barely get in the door. I mean, last Sat the place was barely half full, and now on a Fri night it seemed like everyone in Dublin had unanimously decided to go there. The only good thing about it was that it was a bit of a cock-fest so there was plenty to keep my drunken gaze occupied. Did you ever notice how much straight guys enjoy dancing to it's raining men - i mean they pretend to take the piss but really, they enjoy it, cause they're always the first on the dancefloor, even before the slappers dressed in dish-cloths dancing around their knock-off louis vutton handbags. So that was another 70 odd euro down the drain.

Then on Sat I was looking forward to going to the Sugababes concert, but the bitches didn't even turn up. This was especially annoying seeing as I had just downed a bottle of vodka a few mins previously with Dee and my sis, whilst frantically ripping the house apart looking for the tickets which I had lost (more afraid that my parents would offer to help me search my room - eeek!), but eventually found, then jumped in a taxi and offered to pay. We ended up in the G, at 8pm, stayed there for an hour or two - my sister fucked off to barcode - and then myself and Dee went to Tease. Dee's pilates teacher was at the desk, and didn't seem to appreciate the fact that Dee let it be known to anyone within earshot. I then innocently gave her 20eur for the entrance fee, when in fact it was 24eur for the two of us, but she said she'd give us a discount - although I felt like a complete ass for only giving her 20 in the first place.

Tease was an experience in itself. A crap experience. The drag queen they had on was about as funny as the holocaust. The music was pretty shit and it was full of couples - couples in tight tshirts and skimpy vests - but couples all the same. I don't think Ill be going back in any particular hurry.

Ahhh....relief

Just finished the presentation in college that I was up till 1.30am last night working on. It went well enough. Not too many difficult questions, and dealt with them all with sufficient brutality. I'm just suddenly so tired - I think all the stress has finally gotten to me and the presentation was just like the release, the ejaculation, if you will. Now I am spent. The stress, I do strive on it, but it does take alot out of me. Im going to have to find myself a nice man to restock my supplies ;)

Amusing Nonsense

I was cleaning out the inbox of my phone this morning, seeing as the bus trip this morning took over an hour due to malfunctioning traffic lights - well that and incompetent gardaí - and I came across a few amusing ones, well amusing to me anyway. I've left them anonymous - but you know who you are:

""are u talkin bout d weird little dog?my god it looks like melanie!!" (referring to mr winkle)

"A guy on d nitelink had hair dat reminded me of u, so thought id say hi."

"Id call over but im too, eh...whats the word...?...lazy"

"Im not sure how cute she is. Probably 6 or 7 outta ten. Cuter than "pug face" but she had pesronality, damn it!"

Stress!!!

I have been so stressed for the past week or so. Everything seemed to be going fine with my college stuff, then all of a sudden everything went wrong. I've wasted the past week trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with my computer, only to discover this morning that it was in fact a problem with the software I was running everything on - its just that the person who gave it to me neglected to inform me of the bug. But at least now everything is sorted (well kind of). I think the whole 'not going out much recently' thing is getting to me, that and my sexual frustration - its like cabin fever or something. Maybe I should just go out one night and stand around for the nitelink and maybe, if I'm lucky, let myself be felt up by some random drunk - as happened last weekend. He did have nice soft hands though. Eww, I shudder to think what it would be like waking up next to it the next morning - it'd be akin to a horrible train crash or something. The whole stress thing might also be added to by those damn antibiotics that I'm still taking. When I went out last weekend and had a couple of drinks I got so depressed that the nitelink-feeling-up incident was actually a tempting offer. Thank God I'm sane. Well..just about. I think I might go for some retail therapy this weekend seeing as I finally got my cheque for the work I did at Christmas although I was grossly underpaid for my services.

The only thing that's been keeping my spirits up this week is the new Air album. I really do need sex.

Holy Flurking Shmit

Ive been recovering from my procedure for the past couple of days, so haven't really been up to anything at all. I went to see Scary Movie 3 yesterday which was entertaining enough - not as funny as the first one but way better then the second. Especially the whole 'corpse' scene - you know me and necrophilia:)

The whole procedure thing went well and I'm currently enjoying a cocktail of painkillers and valium. Now all I need is a bottle of vodka to wash it down...

Foil-Tastic!

Came across this whilst looking for something else to do than actual work.

Fucking Rain

God I hate the weather. It's been pouring non-stop all day. I'm amazed at the effect it seems to have in people - I mean everyone in college just looks so depressed. I found out yesterday that I'm having what will from hence forth be referred to as 'the procedure' on Tues next. Im not looking forward to it. At all. It also looks like I'll have to take next week off college too - I suppose everything has an upside. Although, more than likely, I won't be able to go to Tease on Sat next. I haven't been yet. I suppose it will have to wait till next month.

Just found out that the bday party I was going to go to is on in Isaac Butt's tomorrow night. I hate that place, ever since the one called Pug-face puked all over John many years ago. Ah, the memories. Still havent heard from M. Its not that Im upset - far from it - but I kind of expected him to contact me again at some stage.

Lost in Translation

I saw Lost In Translation yesterday. I have to say that I was a bit disappointed. I mean, I wanted to like the film, I really did, but there was just something missing. I did enjoy it for what it was - especially the whole documentary-feel to it, but by the end of the film I didn't really feel like I gave a shit about the characters, which I think you need to for a film like that. Oh well.

I got some pictures (courtesy of Dee) from that new years party I went to. They aint pretty: pic1 pic2 pic3 pic4

New Tunes. (God, I'm soo street!)

Decided to take yesterday off college. I woke up in time and all, just it was pissing rain and I was planning on taking a half-day anyway, so I decided not to bother going in for the morning and had a nice lie-in instead. I met Dee in town for lunch and did a bit of shopping. I didn't actually get home until about 9. Whilst browsing, much to my delight, I happened upon the new Daft Punk release - Daft Club and simultaneously came in my underwear. It's full of remixes from their album 'Discovery'. I also picked up the soundtrack for Amelie Poulin. Love that film. I am just soo cultured I amaze myself sometimes. Oh and the Chicane cd I ordered over the web is in the post and on its way. Sorted.

Pixel-sex

Bought the Sims game last weekend. It's quite addictive. But did you know, that there are no gay Sims. I suppose I should complain or something. I mean, I was so looking forward to to hot pixelated male characters gettin it on.

Ah, the wisdom of Ralph Wiggum - I found this while I was surfing around the web. And this. Make sure you have your sound on.

For more go here.

Ring out the old, ring in the..old.

So, back I am again after the holidays. How were they, you ask? Well, about the same as any other Chrimbo. Lots of turkey, ham alcohol and no sex. Actually Christmas was ok this year. Dave was home which was pretty cool. Went out alot. Blah, blah..... New Year's Eve was prob the best night for me. Dee came over to my place first. We drank a bottle of wine between us in about half an hour, which I think was pretty impressive. Then we headed down to Carl's house along with Ciaran (who had been recovering from a pint glass in the back of the head which he received the day after Stephen's Day - had to get 9 stitches he did), and KevA. When we arrived in the house I realised that I'd left the mixers for the vodka back in mine so had to promptly get a taxi back to collect them - what a pain in the ass. Spent the rest of the night having a laugh. Drank the bottle of vodka and about 3/4 bottle of peach snaps which resulted in me hugging various people repeatedly, including people I didn't know - oh and kissing two girls as well, one of which I don't really know. Apparantly someone took a photo of it, pronouncing "ah, look at the gay kissing the fag-hag". It was a great night. I do remember talking to people, but I don't exactly remember what I had been saying to them, although I have been reassured by my friends that I didn't say anything too bad, thank god. The funniest part of the night must have been when Dee went to kiss me goodbye and in her (and my) drunken state managed to push me off my chair and land on top of me on the ground. Another photo was taken. I have yet to see any of these supposed photos. I don't know if I really want to. Dee told me her boyf (he was there that night) was mighty pissed of with her because she had kissed me on the lips. Ha!

And now back to my usual daily life of college boredom....... Note to self - must go out this weekend and score. Have to banish M from my head. Fucker.