What?! A post made during daytime hours?? Well the only reason for it is that Im in college and Im bored shitless and have nothing better to do. Arrived in this morning bout 9:30. Just spent the last hour or so hanging around the computer labs cause I dont know what the hell else Im supposed to be doing. The place looks, and feels, exactly the same, although it is, as it always is at the beginning of the year, full with headless first-years, running around looking scared but trying to act cool. It's quite endearing actually. I was thinking of approaching one or two sprightly young freshers, taking them in under my shoulder, telling them all the confusion is quite normal and assuring them that I would be the one to put their confusion at rest ;) Either that or just drag one or two of them into the nearest hedge, kicking and screaming. Ah....college life - such a wealth of possibility................

It was my last day in work today. Ever. I suppose I should feel sad in a way, but to be honest it's kind of a relief. I think it's just because of the fact that I've been working so much in the past few weeks, that I'm actually looking forward to having nothing much to do. I'm starting my PhD tomorrow but I haven't got a clue what I'm doing it on or what I'm supposed to do when I start, but I'm sure it will all sort itself out in the next few weeks. Its like starting school all over again, for the fourth time. I could have probably kept on working just the Sundays, but I felt like I needed to make a complete break. I've been doing the same thing for the past 4 years, so I need to change direction - it was all just getting a little too monotonous for my liking.

In other news, my brother rang me up in work today to tell me that he had found 'something very disturbing' on our bedroom floor - a receipt from the George. I played it off pretty well, acting like it was nothing. He asked me if there was anything I was hiding or if I was "in the fucking closet" or something - all of which I denied. I told him one of my friends must have given it to me. He was silent on the phone until I confirmed that none of them were lesbians or anything. I think he bought it. Its not that Im avoiding the issue, its just that I dont want to tell him yet. The reason? Well, he told my parents that he found it and my Dad immediately started to slag me about it when he picked me up from work, which I pretended to ignore. If my brother is going to do something like that when I eventually come out to him, Im going to have to time it very well. The thing is, I bet he told my parents even before he rang me in work - like you think if he was really serious about it, or had even thought about it properly, he would have waited and asked me face-to-face when I got home. And I'll tell you this much - I was shitting myself all day in work about it, but thankfully it seems to have gone ok. I havent seen my brother yet though. Hopefully he wont bring it up again.

Dave's headed off to Wolverhampton this morning. He'll be gone for a year. Im going to miss him, as Im sure everyone else will. Dave, if you're reading this - soapy ;)

Following the recent conversation with my friends concerning Fraggles and all, check this out.

Why am I such a chicken-shit? Was out last night with Louise, Dee, Orla, Rob & co. We went to Down Under. The place was pretty empty when we arrived, but the were playing really good music, apart from the fact that the start of most of the tracks skipped - whether that was a piss-poor attempt by the dj at scratching or just dodgy equipment i'll never know. It filled up and was fairly packed by 11:30. I was having a great time, up dancing at the back beside our table and enjoying the atmosphere but enjoying the really sexy guy who was dancing around the table beside us. My gaydar was well-tuned in. During the course of the night I was actually dancing ass-to-ass with the guy while the rest of my friends kept descreetly pushing me into him. The problem is I never really made a move. I don't know why not, cause I'm nearly sure he was flirting with me (and he was foreign - Spanish I think, and definitely gay cause I heard him say so to one of his friends). Its like I just kind of froze or something and didnt have a clue what to do next. But he never really seemed to catch my eye and I dont think it would have been the best place to make a move, due to the fact that the place was packed to the brim full of "hard" lads who would have quite probably beaten the shit out of us. Its just he was soo cute - like I mean totally my type and a great dancer - boy did he know how to shake that delicious ass of his! But he left bout a half an hour before the night ended. I was so pissed off with myself. I mean I really have to get more confident about that sort of thing. I just dont know why I didnt do anything. I dont know if he was waiting for me to do something, or whether he wasnt really that interested, but Im sure he was cause everyone else there told me he was. My main problem though is the fact that I over analyse things like this. I spent the day in work reliving the whole night in my head, thinking bout what I should have done and what could have happened. But I guess I just have to let it go. Another lost oppertunity, but hopefully there'll be plenty more to come.

Right, this entry is for Bitch McBitch a.k.a. Eoin. Im just too lazy too keep this thing up to date. So whats been going on lately.... Well went out on Wednesday night with Dave, his friend and her gay friend. It was this night that Dave and his friend (Natalie) had been trying to organise for a while, and I was kind of eager too. Not just cause Im desperate and horny, but also because I have absolutely no gay friends and dont know any gay people so I have to start somewhere dont I?? I said "dont I"? So myself and Dave met up in town and then headed to the Front Lounge to meet my new gay best friend ;p I was feeling a little nervous going in, but I kind of always feel like that going into any gay place - its more like the anticipation of possiblilty rather than nercousness really. So we walk up and meet them. She seems nice, quite pretty, and he seems, well gay! No but seriously, it turned out that he was pretty sound. She didnt really say all that much, but I had a good chat with Alan (that was his name methinks) - it was just nice to talk to someone and agree on the same kind of opinions and 'interests'. We had a few drinks there, then, unfortunately Natalie and Dave's other friend Kelly had to leave and get the last bus home. So it was just the three of us left. Think Dave was feeling a bit out of the loop - sure now he knows how I feel sometimes when Im hanging around with all my school friends and there discussing 'capital knockers'. When the Fl closed we drifted over to Isoldes tower and stayed there for a while. I was quite drunk by the end of the night, which I havent been in a while, so it was nice. We got accosted on the way home by some drunken slapper wearing a pair of cheap flip-flops who had somehow got it into her head that Dave had insulted her, then just when we had it sorted out her equally drunken and slapperish friend comes stumbling out of the Chinese and accuses Dave of slagging her off - so it was quite hilarious to watch as myself and Alan realised that the guy he had been waving at through the upstairs window of the fast food place was now actually sitting downstairs and looking out as us with his other mates with a puzzled "i thought you were someone else" expression. Dave and I then jumped in a taxi and left poor Alan to fend for himself (I would htink of it that way as I thought he seemed a lot younger than us, for some reason - me and my pompous seniorority). It kinda reminded me for some reason of that scene in "When Harry met Sally" where Harry and Sally are trying to set each other up with each others friends and on the way home the two friends actually just jump in a taxi together suddenly and fly off, leaving the other two stranded in the street. You'd know what I mean if you saw the film. SO all in all it was a good night - it made me realise Im not that different from other gay guys after all........(everybody - "aaawwhh").

Not much to write about at the moment, so in the meantime check out this website. I found it on a website listing links to bad websites. This is really sickening. I mean the music alone is enough to make me throw up.

Hey all, sorry for the absence, but as most of you will know I was down visiting my good ol' friend Bridget down in Limerick for the weekend. I headed down on Fri afternoon - bus journey took ages due to all the traffic, if I had known I would have left earlier. Got down there for about 7pm, rang Bridget and she came and collected me from the bus station - which was really dodgy. While I was waiting there were these two absolute knackers arguing over why one of them was late or something along those lines. It was just difficult to tell exactly what they were saying since the accent was so bad. The fat bloke was giving out to his girlfriend/wife/pregnant daughter/hoe (delete as appropriate) for being late, then another equally pleasant friend arrived saying she was late cause she "got caught behind a fuckin' funeral". Charming. I was glad when Bridget arrived. Headed back to her appartment down by the quays, which was really nice, despite the fact that the 'house' next door was occupied by about 8 pregnant oriental girls with not a man in sight - Im thinkin black-market baby parts. We had a quiet night in Fri night and just caught up on all the gossip since I hadnt seen her for bout 2 years. Next day wandered around Limerick city-center (which took all of 5 mins) while Bridget was in work. We met up for lunch and then headed out that night with her twin sisters. Got absolutely shit-faced before hand on, you guessed it, a couple bottles of wine, so I was well in the mood by the time we went out. Ended up in one of the shittiest pubs I have ever been in in my life. I mean the place was an absolute dive. There was a pub downstairs and a bar and a little dirty wooden dance floor upstairs. But the music was good and after a vidka or two I was jiving away to my hearts content. I was just really havin a great time in her company, it must be said. I thought it was going to be really awkward but just seemed like always, which was cool. Next morning after a not-so-great sleep on the little couch in the apartment I was dragged to 11 o'clock mass - I mean when I went into the church I was sure I was going to burst into flames. Not that I don't believe and all that (don't get me started...that's for a whole discussion in itself), just that it had been so long since I had set foot in one. After mass went back to the parents house for dinner, chilled out a bit then said my good-byes and got the 3:30pm bus back to Dublin. Was pretty tired after it all, but really glad I went down - I just won't leave it so long next time. I'm hoping Bridget will return the favour so to speak and come up to Dublin for a right-old session.

I am really pissed off. Just spent the last half hour writing up a post for this fucking blog just to have the thing crash when I went to post it. Fucking computers. Fucking internet. I couldnt be arsed doing the whole thing out again so here's brief synopsis:


went out with Dave Wed night.......few drinks at home.......met Rob & Lousie in the Globe........went to Capitol bar.........left the other two, me and Dave went to Ri-Ra.........argument with Dave bout chatting up two "gay" guys in Ri-Ra..........not ready yet............work Thurs & Fri...........the George Fri night with Vicky, Ciaran, Rob, Carl & Stokesy.........Carl & Stokesy left for Q...............few more drinks................dancing on stage...............fucking bitches trying to push by me just cause they've got tits...........very hot and sweaty.........no luck scoring, but good night overall.............weird being there with straight male mates.........need to be more relaxed myself and disable straight-acting mode.......the end.

Just back from a long afternoon/evening in town. Met up with Mac for a bit of lunch. Went to Eddie Rockets and I had a very nice club sandwich. Worth paying the extortionistic (is that a word??, it is now) prices for the food. Spent the rest of the afternoon just wandering about, draggin Mac into the odd clothes shop here and there. Saw nothing I liked. Ended up just buying the latest copy of "Attitude" magazine. After reading most of the other gay mags around, Ive found that this one is definitely the best. Well written, with just the right amount of the all-important smutt. Trying to become a well-educated-in-the-scene queer. Struggling, but I'll get there - god bless Channel 4!

Met Eoin for coffee after Mac left and after Eoin finished work. Had a look of some of the photos he took whilst in Spain with Daire and John at John's apartment. There were a few gruesome looking scrotal shots in there, that frankly I would not care to look at again - I mean the lighting was just not flattering ;)

Just before I start this post, I have to clarify that Carl is not gay - some people got the wrong idea from the last post. Just cause I think he's hot doesn't mean he's gay.


Speaking of which, I was at a hosue party in Carl's house last night. Went over with Vicky and Ciaran. Bought myself two nice cheap bottles of red wine from Dunnes. Big mistake. Arrived and there wasnt that many people there but was pretty cool though, especially seeing as one of the neighbours brought his decks to the party and the music was aboslutely blasting. The neighbour (cant remember his name) is unbelievably hot, and I mean stunning. One of the best bods Ive ever seen - i really must start working out properly. Downed the first bottle of wine pretty quickly to try and overcome the whole nervousness of being in a house with alot of people I dont know. By the time I was halfway through the second bottle, I knew I shouldnt have gotten red wine. It was far to heavy and I was telling myself that I was going to pay for it the next morning, which I did. Spent most of the night chatting to Carls girlfriend who was really nice. There was a funny tea-bagging incident later on in the night when Stokesy passed out and Carl and his neighbour took full advantage of the fact (most of which I missed, damn!). The lump of chewing-gum that Vicky firmly stuck in his belly-button was also a nice touch. Besides that I did do a bit of dancing in the kitchen to the tunes pumping from the decks, although the tiled floor was dangerously slippy. Suprised I managed to avoid cracking my head open.

Amn't too sure what time I left, but it was after 3. Vicky & Ciaran kindly walked me home then went back to the party. Woke up this morning with a severe hangover. Not going to be drinking red wine for a while. Got ready for work, then decided I didnt feel up to it so I rang in sick and went back to bed instead. Spent the rest of the day watching Six Feet Under on dvd and also watched the film Chicago. Found it quite boring and skipped through most of the musical numbers, which basically means I skipped through most of the film. And I thought being gay and all would mean Id be totally into "all that jazz" but Im afraid not.

I came out to my sister yesterday too. She thought I was joking at first, then asked me if I was seeing anyone (that's the first question everyone asks me). She seemed a bit shocked by it. Im not too sure what way I expected her to react, but I suppose its better than screaming abuse at me at telling me Im going to hell. So it went ok. She says that it doesnt really make a difference, but I know it does. Think I should have waited a bit longer before I told her, but I figured I was going to have to tell her at some stage. Shes gone away for the weekend, so Ill talk to her again when she comes back, if she wants to talk to me about it. You think it would be the other way around but whoever I tell, they seem to want (and need) to talk about it more than I do. Im just glad she seems cool about it. But I still think I should have waited a bit longer.