Lunch Lady Bitch-Face

I went and got two sandwiches for my lunch today in the Spar in college. So, I go up to the counter and tell the lovely lady that I would like two white-bread sandwiches please.

"Butter?".
"No thanks - just some mayonnaise"
"So what would you like on them?"
"Well, I'll have the same on both...I.."
"Why?"
"Pardon?"
"Why do you want the same on both? You know you don't have to have the same"

Well, duh! Excuse me, bitch, what's it to you? I'll have my sandwiches whatever way I please!

What kind of question is that to ask anyone anyway?

Mixed Messages

If someone you've been seeing says something to you, along the lines of :

"I'm not really ready to get into a relationship at the moment, because there's just too much going on for me. Because of that, you can't expect me to text you everyday or to be able to meet you every week. But I really like you, sexually not platonically, and I would like to keep dating you. But I might decide one day that I don't want to see you anymore."

How do you take it? I don't think you could get many more mixed messages into a single statement.

Mum, Dad.....I'm gay

So I've said it. But now I wonder whether I should have said anything at all. The two of them were in the sitting room Sunday night, so I decided to bite the bullet and tell them. The reaction was what I expected, to a certain extent.

My mam started sobbing and got up, repeatedly hugging me. I assumed everything was fine. My dad, said that it was fine, that it was my business and he was glad that I told him. Then the shock ensued - my mam just cried for ages and kept swearing, and she never cries or swears. The "how the fuck do you like men" comment kind of took me by surprise. I told them that I was happy with it, that I was never really unhappy about it, and re-assured them that its not all sleazy in the G (well not all of the time) and that they didn't have to worry about being me "taken advantage of". My mam blamed herself, asking if there was anything that she had done, or did anything happen to me. I tried to explain that I didn't just wake up one day, gay, but that I always have been and always will be. I felt sorry that I had upset her so much.

After my dad went to bed, I stayed up for an hour or so with her, tryin to answer questions that she asked, and trying to make sure she was ok. Then I went to bed and she called into me. She kept crying and apologising if she seemed a bit 'back-ward'. It was awful. She didn't have a bad reaction as such, just an upsetting one, and it upset me even more to see her upset. My brother, to my surprise, took it fine. He was a bit upset that I hadn't been able to tell him before and apologised for it, but I told him it was my fault, that I didn't feel ready to tell him.

Its funny how everyone seemed 'upset for me' and uspet for what my life was going to be like, especially since I've had all the shit going on with my life health-wise etc. Right now Im just emotionally drained! But hopefully things are going to work out.....hopefully.

Miss Me?

If the answer is no, then fuck you.

What have I been up to since last...well not alot. Plenty of nights out, a weekend in Galway (don't ask), more teaching, lunch dates... I'm actually, shock horror, starting to kind of see someone, although I'm not sure yet if I can say that. I've met him a few times before, but never really talked. Last Wed, he asked me for my phone number as I was leaving the G, and so we met up on Sat for a coffee. I ended up spending most of the day with him. He's a lot different than I thought he would be, which is a good thing. He's actually quite nice really. At first, I wasn't too sure if I liked him, but after spending the day with him, I think I do. I'm just going to see how it goes, rather than my usual over-obsessing over-analytical approach.

I was thinking about the whole attraction thing the other day. It's fascinating really - what makes someone particularly attractive to you more than others? Of course, we're all attracted to the ideal - whether that be some beefy dude, with brooding eyes or a waif-like blonde with big tits - but is it more than that? What classifies as being attracted to someone? Is it just about imagining yourself in bed with them? Do they immediately make you horny when they walk into a room, do they make you look twice, or is it just a case that they don't turn you off, so to speak? Answers on a postcard....

Smoking Ban

I suppose, since the smoking ban is such a historic event, I should make some social commentary on it. But I'm just too tired. I thought it was funny though to see all the smokers huddled around pub entrances like a bunch of pariahs last night in town. It'll be even funnier to see the riots that are going to occur on the streets on Sat night. Think about it:

• people are pissed off that they cant smoke in pubs......


• instead of smoking they drink more.........


• they then go outside for a cigarette......


• this carries on........


• smokers are getting more pissed off as they get drunker......


• now we have groups of pissed off drunk people congregating on the streets outside pubs.

I'm sure you can see where this is heading.

Hospitals

After spending over 2 hours in a waiting room in the hospital this morning for my check-up appointment I was on the verge on killing someone. I mean, it is bad enough to have to wait so long for a 15 min long appointment, but to have to wait with all those old sick people - you know the type who are sitting around mumbling to each other, complaining about the weather, and smelling, well, old.
In order to alieviate the stress that such an ordeal induced this morning, Im going out tonight. Although I might keep my coin-purse tightly closed seeing as Ive spend almost 1,000eur since the start of the month on going out. For a scrouge like me, that's alot of money.

Best Paddy's Day Ever

So, where do I begin....well I began at about 4pm and carried on till 4 am, and I survived. Barely. Met up with P.Diddy & his gf and a few of their friends in Forum (?) - its beside the parilament hotel. It was the only place in the locality that wasn't bursting at the seams. We stayed there for a few, then I dragged everybody around the corner to the Front Lounge, which was busy but we managed to grab one of the couches down the back. The guy from Tease that I was sure was straight was there. Attempted to make eye contact, but failed. Mainly due to the large consumption of alcohol which made focussing a problem in itself and the engaged lesbian sitting beside me who was telling me about her desire to have a fling with a woman before she got married. We all popped into that kebab place across the way, had something to eat, met up with eoin and then headed to *shudder* Doyles. It was black and we only stayed there for one drink before I decided to piss off and meet K from college and head to the G. I should have felt bad for leaving my friends, but I was drunk and horny.

The G was a great laugh. Well, as far as I can remember. Some Spanish guy (not that great looking but tall, stocky, bit of a beer belly) grabbed me from behind and next thing you know I was on one of the couches with him, being told off at one stage by the bouncer with the ol' "there's a time and a place lads". The fact that he had his zipper undone might have had something to do with it ;p Its amazing how quickly my inhibitions can disappear. All his Spainish-accented whispering of "I wanna fock you" and his dry-humping didn't help matters. I walked back with him to his place, but didn't go up cause he said all his flatmates were at home, which now that I think of it, maybe wasn't such a bad thing. He did leave me with a HUGE hickey on my neck though. Looks like its polar necks for me all week!

Cliché

That's it. I'm not drinking for at least another week. I went to Traffic last night, which I would definitely recommend. They were doing 2 for 1 cocktails. I had four in the space of an hour and a half. Then went to Spirit - free in, but the place still isn't great. I did feel a bit self conscious there though, seeing as I was out with all the gays. We drank a number of foul shots that were on special offer - some sort of cheep baby guiness type thing. Ugh, I can still taste it now. We didnt stay there for long and ended up in, surprise, surprise, the G. I think I'm turning into a cliché.

Lies Make Baby Jesus Cry

I went to a focus group Tues evening in Clontarf Castle. It was for a market research group who were doing research about the new range of Donegal Catch. I was just filling in for someone who couldn't make it. So basically, I had to pretend I was 25, living in my own flat in town, had a proper job and ate a lot of fish. For one thing, I hate fish, and I didnt even eat the fish that we were supposed to be reviewing - oh and I had to pretend that I didn't know anybody else in the group - including two of my friends. I have to say, I gave one of the most convincing performances of my life - commenting on the subtle flavours and textures of the fish, where I had bought it etc. It was quite funny actually. On top of all that I got two free pints, sandwiches and 55eur - for basically lying through my teeth. I slightly scared myself with how good a liar I can be.

Afterwards I headed out to Gubu, which is really nice, and then onto Glitz in Breaker for the Border, which was also suprisingly good. I went in with Eoin and ended up meeting up with a few friends (oh my god, I have gay friends!) from the college soc. I'm going to have to score sometime soon before my loins explode, well at least make some kind of effort other than moaning about not scoring when all I did for the night was get drunk, dance a bit and not really talk to anyone other than the people I was out with. I'll just have to get more drunk next time so that I'm not really worried about if I make a fool of myself or not.

SugaBitches

I spent fucking eur300 last week, and that's just on going out. I haven't even included my credit card bill. I dunno - should I feel guilty? I went out on Thurs night (somewhat reluctantly) with a few ppl from the lgb soc in college. I wasn't going to go, but one of the guys txt me, and even rang me, saying that they all (all being 3 of them) went into town partly cause they thought I'd be going in too. Ah, bless. So I arrived in the G at 10.30 (after getting a taxi cause it I wasn't arsed waiting around in the freezing cold, my nipples on the verge of ripping through my shirt) expecting not to stay out that long. I ended up staying right till the end, after numerous drinks of god-knows-what, and getting a taxi home.

I went out on Fri night for Kev's birthday. We went to Doyles *shudder*, where the top floor was closed and the place was practically bursting at the seams, with sweaty hippies everywhere I looked. We stayed there for one or two and then headed to the Palace, which I did not want to do, but really had no choice in the matter. The place was black. I mean, you could barely get in the door. I mean, last Sat the place was barely half full, and now on a Fri night it seemed like everyone in Dublin had unanimously decided to go there. The only good thing about it was that it was a bit of a cock-fest so there was plenty to keep my drunken gaze occupied. Did you ever notice how much straight guys enjoy dancing to it's raining men - i mean they pretend to take the piss but really, they enjoy it, cause they're always the first on the dancefloor, even before the slappers dressed in dish-cloths dancing around their knock-off louis vutton handbags. So that was another 70 odd euro down the drain.

Then on Sat I was looking forward to going to the Sugababes concert, but the bitches didn't even turn up. This was especially annoying seeing as I had just downed a bottle of vodka a few mins previously with Dee and my sis, whilst frantically ripping the house apart looking for the tickets which I had lost (more afraid that my parents would offer to help me search my room - eeek!), but eventually found, then jumped in a taxi and offered to pay. We ended up in the G, at 8pm, stayed there for an hour or two - my sister fucked off to barcode - and then myself and Dee went to Tease. Dee's pilates teacher was at the desk, and didn't seem to appreciate the fact that Dee let it be known to anyone within earshot. I then innocently gave her 20eur for the entrance fee, when in fact it was 24eur for the two of us, but she said she'd give us a discount - although I felt like a complete ass for only giving her 20 in the first place.

Tease was an experience in itself. A crap experience. The drag queen they had on was about as funny as the holocaust. The music was pretty shit and it was full of couples - couples in tight tshirts and skimpy vests - but couples all the same. I don't think Ill be going back in any particular hurry.