Work seems to becoming increasingly pressurised. I'm finding myself working ridiculously long days - practically all day, every day, including weekends - rarely finishing up before 9pm. If I'm not doing work I'm doing something Pride-related. On my long work days, it is true that for a lot of days I don't actually sit down at my computer until 10am, and even then I don't start doing actual proper work until 10.30/11. Reflecting on the situation the panic over my current work load could be influenced by a number of factors:
- I have a shit lot of work
- Too much is expected of me
- I expect too much from myself
- I work too many hours
- I don't actual do enough work when I am working
- My time management skills are atrocious
- I'm not actually enjoying any of my work
Thinking about if for a bit, if I'm completely honest, it's probably a mixture of everything above. I do have a lot of work to do, but I should really be concentrating better and focusing on doing blocks of work and being more disciplined.
I need finish up my working day earlier, take more breaks from the computer when I'm not working and at least let myself have a few hours off in the evenings so I can wind-down properly. To do this I do need to manage my work load a bit better, and manage myself a bit better.
I really am my own boss, so therefore I need to give myself a break every now and then, give myself credit where credit's due but at the same time, come down heavy on myself if I am fucking about. One of the things I do miss about not working in a larger business is the lack of structure or management. On the one hand, yes it is terrible to have someone breathing down your neck every 5 mins, but it does give you that incentive to get work done and imposes goals on you that you can, and must, stick to. Working for a small company also means I have a lot more jobs and responsibilities to take care of - I have to actively think about revenue opportunities, and chase any up, and if any opportunities do arise, it's me that has to carry out the work e.g. contract jobs, as well as any work that I need to be doing for our own company.
Working from home often makes time-management doubly hard. Sometimes it feels like I'm not really doing that much work, but then again, if I was working in an office Im sure there'd be my morning chat with people as I come in, the early morning coffee break, my hour(+) long lunch break, the afternoon break and numerous chats/interjections in between. In terms of breaks (apart from checking out popjustice etc. during the day, and ignoring the days where I venture into town for an extended lunch break i.e. the entire afternoon) I only regularly take about 30 mins off for lunch.
In most proper office jobs work is over as soon as you leave the office at 5pm. The finality of that is something which is very hard to get when working from home, seeing as the work is always sitting there, staring you in the face. I've read many articles on having a seperate working space where you can close the door at the end of the day, which I do have. However, shutting the door is often a lot easier said than done, and once there are any hours left in the day the temptation is always there to do more work.
The isolation is an additional factor - I have no colleagues, group or team that I can discuss problems and roadblocks with. If I have a problem, it's entirely up to me to figure it out and to come up with a solution. Yes, I do get occasional help from my boss, but the reality is I still have to do the practical and physical work, together with a lot of the brain work.
The last question I need to consider is do I really like the work that I do? That's a difficult one for me to answer. Really, I don't know anything else, having come into the job straight from my PhD, which I came into straight from college. I am good at it, there are aspects of it which I like and there are perks - the upcoming trip to Hawaii being one of them. But there are other aspects which I'm not too keen on, and some days I am gagging for a change; that's why it's great whenever I get the chance to work on things I am interested in - things like web design. This is where Pride can come in handy; it does take up a huge amount of my time, but it can be enjoyable and gives me a reason to pick up new skills and develop existing ones.
I guess at the end of the day, I am a bit hard on myself. I do need to really manage my time and goals better, but I also need to give myself an emotional and physical break every now and then. I am good at what I do. Yes, there is some serious need for improvement, but it is still a work in progress. I'll get there eventually.
Note to self: I must re-read this post in a few months to see if I'm still in the same situation, and also to encourage myself to be a bit more positive about it all.
