Selfishness

Not having been out for ages I made up for it on Friday night. Went to Scatman's house for another of his ill-fated house parties, which actually didn't turn out too bad at all, especially for a straight night out. Incidentally, the whole straight night thing doesn't seem to bother me as much as it did, mainly cause I'm no longer a desperate will-kiss-anything-at-the-end-of-the-night type since being officially in a happy relationship, therefore I don't have the need to go to a gay club as I once did. That's not to say I'm not dying to go and dance my queer ass off in the G some night very soon.

Anyway, back to the story. I arrived at the house at around 9.30, bottle of wine in one hand, bottle of vodka in the other. Luckily enough I brought some cd's with me that enabled me to rescue the party from complete doom. Drank my bottle of wine and moved onto the vodka (just like the good old days). Being in a jovial mood a group of us decided to head into town for a bit of a dance, mainly because some of the undesirables at the party had stuck on slayer or some other wretched trash on the stereo. The only problem was it was already 11.30, but away we went anyway - myself, Dee+hubby, Lou, C+V, to where else but the Palace - ah, the sweet refuge of the drunken heterosexual!

The usual dancing ensued until the place closed. Then back we went to the house, making it back at around 3am, only to find the party had officially ended and all that were left were Scatman himself and Steve Austin. I had previously promised to S.Austin that I would be back sooner to rejoin the festivities, so understandably he was none too pleased with our late arrival. I still actually feel bad about it - especially cause I know that's the only reason he stayed at the party. I can be such an ass sometimes. What makes me feel even worse is that on Saturday night I ended up staying in with the boyf, when I had promised S.Austin in my drunken state that I would head out with him and some others to Whelan’s for a drink. But to be honest, I was just too tired to do anything more than vegetate and watch a Looney Tunes film. I didn't even have sex that night for God's sake - that's how tired I was!

But it makes me ask the question, whether in certain circumstances is it okay to be selfish? Or at least selfish to a certain degree. I have often had the habit of worrying about pleasing others too much, before pleasing myself, but at the same time I can't help but feel bad about the whole thing. Remember, it is me we're talking about here. God, I'm very philosophical today, and not a hint of bitchiness.