Ch-ch-changes

I was back to my neurotic self last night after going to dance class with the boyf. I dont know what really triggered it off - maybe it was the phone call he made from my phone to his ex. or thinking about our trip to Paris next week. Whatever it was, my head started doing tumbles over itself. I think it's due to the fact that I feel like I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore.

It was recently commented by one of my friends (in a somewhat intoxicated state) that it seems like I'm "getting on with my life", although it feels more like I've lost some element of control I had on it. In the past year I've graduated, come out, had a short (shitty) relationship before entering into my current serious one, fallen in love, become an 'academic', had surgery, and am currently preparing to move out. I think that's a hell of a lot of changes to happen to someone in such a relatively short space of time. It's almost like the life I have now has moved on so much from the one I had a little over a year ago. My whole routine has changed - and I think I've changed in the process. I still feel like I don't want to move on because I thought I was happy in my old life, but I suppose it's the natural progression of things. Maybe moving out might give me a bit of stucture that I need.

I started to think about what I am doing and what direction my life is taking last night, which kinda made my head completely fucked up. What if I've made the wrong decision in doing a PhD, what if I don't get enough work done and get 'fired', what if this relationship is not meant to last, what am I doing moving out, what direction am I heading in?????

So many questions that I just can't answer, and should know better than to ask myself to begin with.